.
I'm feeling so down lately I just don't know what to do with things. Like, on the outside I'm trying so hard to act like nothing's wrong cuz when if people ask I actually do not know, I repeat, DO NOT know what's going on with me.
It's all inside there. Swirling and whirling and groaning. God knows. Like I'm possessed or something.
I need hugs. And for hugs I miss Nabs or Chiwa or Fatin, but they are all SO SO SO far away right now, and just not possible.
Well to be honest I am in a pre-PMS phase. My menstrual cycle is just so weird cuz I get so moody before and after the whole period thing and usually it's hardly this bad, but I guess this time it's super bad. I am quite stressed and my period is like 2 days late- according to the period calendar thing and my mood has been a hurricane. Work has been hectic and I keep not getting work done and god knows my schedule is just so SCREWED up which is why I am mostly stressed cuz I like to be ON schedule.
I kinda try to not use the word 'stress' all the time but I am. Seriously I am.
It's almost 2PM at home and I am not starting any work done. I am planning to play Spirited Away on my home laptop while I do my shit but I don't have VLC or codec yet on my home laptop cuz I formatted it the other day so I don't have anything on it. So I'm not starting my work yet, cuz Spirited Away is not playing yet. HA. Alasan. But really I have to finish this task by today cuz tomorrow I'm supposed to start on another shit so yeah. And that other shit is pretty urgent and super duper important apparently so I need to finish THIS shit first. Then I still have to do code review for the newbies's task and help the other newbie with her task which I could not get to it yet.
Danny said not to spoon fed them but heck I'm learning while I'm teaching them too so there's that.
There's this new kid who doesn't know Java at all and god knows how he managed to get into this role and I am the one having a headache cuz I dunno how to handle this. LIKE DOOD I KENOT LIKE TEACH THIS GUY A WHOLE JAVA COURSE I DONT EVEN HAVE TIME WHAT IS A DESCRIPTOR CLASS FUCK
Anyway I got all irritated and kinda went strict on him cuz fuck this is work, not some uni life so he better get his shit together and learn fast if he doesn't want to get kicked out - well I said something along the lines 'if you don't buck up and do your shit fast it's gonna get bad for you and I got nothing to lose if you're not around anyway' so I dunno if he got that or not so yeah. He's been pestering this other guy to help him with his task cuz obviously I scared him off but fuck I don't care anymore. Okay, why am I so irritated with him? He asked for this job cuz he did some html editing before - like SUPER MINOR okay and he thought that was PROGRAMMING
DOOD
FAK
I was like ' YOU DARE TO LOOK DOWN ON PROGRAMMING?'
I had a hard time looking for jobs after Masters and my Java ain't that good either, I mean, just basic while people in the industry are expecting miracles just because you have a Masters but God no, we don't know that much, Masters and PhD peeps are more towards research rather than actual hands on stuff so...I had asked one of the Professors last time,d o they know what is SAP and they were like, WHAT and they don't seem to know the ERP stuff...I'm like OOOOOKAY. Anyway back to my story, I was searching for jobs and I went to this one place and because I got Masters they seem to be having high expectations on me and when I couldn't really cater to their expectations, I was told by one of the technical leads there that I should quit programming.
My world kinda broke down at the time.
I didn't think I would do other things than programming, ya know.
So yeah. I guess I kinda got irritated that these kinda people get it easy while me...I have to be like this.
Haih.
Anyway that's that. My VLC is working already so I'mma start work.
Yes I guess I'm gonna be bitch this week or something.
I'm feeling so down lately I just don't know what to do with things. Like, on the outside I'm trying so hard to act like nothing's wrong cuz when if people ask I actually do not know, I repeat, DO NOT know what's going on with me.
It's all inside there. Swirling and whirling and groaning. God knows. Like I'm possessed or something.
I need hugs. And for hugs I miss Nabs or Chiwa or Fatin, but they are all SO SO SO far away right now, and just not possible.
Well to be honest I am in a pre-PMS phase. My menstrual cycle is just so weird cuz I get so moody before and after the whole period thing and usually it's hardly this bad, but I guess this time it's super bad. I am quite stressed and my period is like 2 days late- according to the period calendar thing and my mood has been a hurricane. Work has been hectic and I keep not getting work done and god knows my schedule is just so SCREWED up which is why I am mostly stressed cuz I like to be ON schedule.
I kinda try to not use the word 'stress' all the time but I am. Seriously I am.
It's almost 2PM at home and I am not starting any work done. I am planning to play Spirited Away on my home laptop while I do my shit but I don't have VLC or codec yet on my home laptop cuz I formatted it the other day so I don't have anything on it. So I'm not starting my work yet, cuz Spirited Away is not playing yet. HA. Alasan. But really I have to finish this task by today cuz tomorrow I'm supposed to start on another shit so yeah. And that other shit is pretty urgent and super duper important apparently so I need to finish THIS shit first. Then I still have to do code review for the newbies's task and help the other newbie with her task which I could not get to it yet.
Danny said not to spoon fed them but heck I'm learning while I'm teaching them too so there's that.
There's this new kid who doesn't know Java at all and god knows how he managed to get into this role and I am the one having a headache cuz I dunno how to handle this. LIKE DOOD I KENOT LIKE TEACH THIS GUY A WHOLE JAVA COURSE I DONT EVEN HAVE TIME WHAT IS A DESCRIPTOR CLASS FUCK
Anyway I got all irritated and kinda went strict on him cuz fuck this is work, not some uni life so he better get his shit together and learn fast if he doesn't want to get kicked out - well I said something along the lines 'if you don't buck up and do your shit fast it's gonna get bad for you and I got nothing to lose if you're not around anyway' so I dunno if he got that or not so yeah. He's been pestering this other guy to help him with his task cuz obviously I scared him off but fuck I don't care anymore. Okay, why am I so irritated with him? He asked for this job cuz he did some html editing before - like SUPER MINOR okay and he thought that was PROGRAMMING
DOOD
FAK
I was like ' YOU DARE TO LOOK DOWN ON PROGRAMMING?'
I had a hard time looking for jobs after Masters and my Java ain't that good either, I mean, just basic while people in the industry are expecting miracles just because you have a Masters but God no, we don't know that much, Masters and PhD peeps are more towards research rather than actual hands on stuff so...I had asked one of the Professors last time,d o they know what is SAP and they were like, WHAT and they don't seem to know the ERP stuff...I'm like OOOOOKAY. Anyway back to my story, I was searching for jobs and I went to this one place and because I got Masters they seem to be having high expectations on me and when I couldn't really cater to their expectations, I was told by one of the technical leads there that I should quit programming.
My world kinda broke down at the time.
I didn't think I would do other things than programming, ya know.
So yeah. I guess I kinda got irritated that these kinda people get it easy while me...I have to be like this.
Haih.
Anyway that's that. My VLC is working already so I'mma start work.
Yes I guess I'm gonna be bitch this week or something.
