Close to Closing

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First things first.

I am quitting my job. Well, basically I tendered my resignation letter already but the boss is being a pain and not giving the green light to HR to process it - and why I need them to process it ASAP is because the company I am going to is buying me out for a month - so basically I am left with one month (even less now when I think of it) spending time with my friends here and I am feeling a whole load of bittersweet from that.

Trust me, it is so hard to find people who you just fit in so well with and enjoy working with - too bad the management screws me up royally hence I decided to find a new job. IT IS SO EFFING BITTERSWEET because I have grown so fond of these people that I can't even imagine of going to work and not working WITH them anymore

but I guess that is the reality that I am going to face soon.

Let's talk about what transpired so far.

I sent in my resume quite a few months ago to this company on a huge whim because I went emotional when a certain hard headed PM threw a fit in a meeting and I felt like I don't deserve to be treated this way after all the effort I've put into this company and regardless this PM is new and not used to this company and how it worked, it is none of my business as I felt that I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE THROWN A FIT AT.

Anyway so starting that I started applying for jobs but kinda stopped after a while cuz I got busy and I was like, meh, let me finish this one project cycle first atleast and receive the hard earned increment, bonus and promotion and then ciao from here. Fast forward to end of January, I got a call from this company and they called me up for an interview - and the company being of quite a big and successful one, I was like, meh why not I go and try. Which I did, and I guess I did well cuz they called me up for a second interview - which went well and by this time I felt that it went too well and it could be either very good or very bad but decided to have faith and trust in God's plans for me because I've felt that the road won't be easily opened up for me unless Allah decides it's good for me. It has always been like that for me though, all my life. Things will go well as long as you have faith.

And with that faith, I decided to accept it.

Now comes the hard part. Resigning. Gosh, I cannot tell you how much I love the team here, and the thought of leaving tears me up inside. To be honest, as friends, we still can meet up outside, but in terms of work, I cannot yet imagine to find people who I can work with so dynamically. It is not just the fact that they help me so much, but the fact that they make me strive to be amazing like them. Haih. I felt like lately I am just trying to spend as much time with them as I can, because I know I am going to miss them a lot lot lot lot lot lot.

Sedih lah.

The only and main reason I am leaving is because despite all our efforts, the management doesn't care for our efforts and treats us like shit. That's all man. I dunno. I told them, people will stay if they feel taken care of and there's something in it for them. For me, they don't give a damn about employee welfare and even though there's a lot still for me to learn, I am not sure if I should sacrifice my health for it. I mean, life is just once man. If you know how I work, it's always late and neverending and the management pushes for our time like crazy. Profit profit profit. It's all they think of. I can't handle the distress caused by the management on my part. I may seem like an important pawn to them, but I don't like seeing how they treat other pawns as if we are so easily disposable.

I am just going to miss my friends and the chemistry we have when we work. It's always hard, but then who knows what the future brings.

Being On The Fence

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It's 1AM ish and I just got back from work, well technically got off work around 10:30PM but then was waiting around for them other peeps, and then we grabbed dinner and talked a bit - ended up I reached home at 1AM. Phone was ringing off the hook cuz Dad just came back from his Johor trip and of course he doesn't like it that I come back too late.

As always.

Does answering stupid whatsapp messages from your boss count as working hours? Cuz if so, yes. I did read an article before about how the Ministry of Labor or something was saying how if the boss still finds you after working hours through whatsapp or other means of communication, it is considered working hours and you can claim overtime from it. Well, it does make sense right? You are off work, so that mother effer should understand and NOT bother you with work shit. Wait for tomorrow la omg. However some opinions seem to differ, on how things can get ambiguous when you communicate through chat apps, and it's informal. However, even government workers have Whatsapp groups related to work and shit. It is quick, fast and efficient but then some people get desensitized and misuse. Well those people are shitty assholes who I won't even reply too unless I HAVE to. Unless the work itself is related to something wrong that I did and I gotta fix it asap as it is impacting other people but if NOT, NO.

I may have come off a bit on the angry side lately. I keep hearing people telling me "Asma janganla marah" when I'm just replying people- rather curtly - depends on who it is too hehe. I've accepted that I am a transparent person, and that my emotions show too easily. Still trying to see the pros and cons in it. Everyday I tell myself to try to keep it in and chill, but at the end of the day somehow they still show. *shrug*  I used to keep things to myself a lot but in the end there's no use letting those pent up feelings eat up at your heart and suffer by yourself. Why should I make myself miserable when the other side don't even know or even give a fuck?

Nah.

In this life, this too short of life, why should I suffer by myself because of other people? What have they done for me that I need to kill my heart over them? What compensation I get, is it even enough to kill myself over things that is out of my control? Nah.

NAH

NAH

SO

I'm not angry.

I just love myself more, that's all.