.
It's almost 11PM but I'm not feeling sleepy, nor tired. Today has been a not-so-productive day I guess. Spent almost the whole day just trying to get my local database working, importing the database and running and verifying the scripts. (but at least I get a local db that is synced with the current one used in the system, sorta) Truth be told I'm not feeling much for the go-live or anything. I sorta enjoyed having loads to do at the time, and I was happy having loads on hand to take my mind off things that were happening at the time - so now things have slowed down and I can focus on myself. God arranges your life in His own way I guess, and things just click into place. My heart was in chaos but my mind was on turbo mode with all the work, so it helped.
I remembered an excerpt from Wind/Pinball-where the character sees himself as a bridge to everyone he meets. 'I was just a bridge along their way of life and I am just there to help them cross a stage of life, and after that I'll be forgotten'. It echoed deep in me somehow. Sometimes I do feel that way, where people find my presence needed in their life, but after a little time, they forget, because they went on with their life. Then it got me thinking, if I kept my mindset that way, of course I'll be like that. Always just a bridge, always just helping rather than walking step by step with them along the way to the end. Hence I'm trying, I guess. I never really considered myself social person, nor do I have a wide memory span, but I'll try. One of the reasons is perhaps I've been hurt too much that I keep things to myself, but it's time to open and reach to other people.
I hated myself, the old me.
I remembered when I first started photography, my friend Adib told me that if I wanted to be a good photographer I can't be shy, I can't keep to the back, else I won't get to capture the moments I wanted. It was true, so I started to put myself out there a lot more, out of my comfort zone and did what I loved. Nowadays, I don't mind retreating to my shell once in a while, and just loving the me time. I stopped caring what people think of me, in the negative way and just felt like I should always focus on the good side of things. Yes, I am human too and I tend to get a lot of negative feelings sometimes, but it's manageable. I tell myself, it will end, and it WILL end. Nothing is absolute, nothing is forever.
It's almost 11PM but I'm not feeling sleepy, nor tired. Today has been a not-so-productive day I guess. Spent almost the whole day just trying to get my local database working, importing the database and running and verifying the scripts. (but at least I get a local db that is synced with the current one used in the system, sorta) Truth be told I'm not feeling much for the go-live or anything. I sorta enjoyed having loads to do at the time, and I was happy having loads on hand to take my mind off things that were happening at the time - so now things have slowed down and I can focus on myself. God arranges your life in His own way I guess, and things just click into place. My heart was in chaos but my mind was on turbo mode with all the work, so it helped.
I remembered an excerpt from Wind/Pinball-where the character sees himself as a bridge to everyone he meets. 'I was just a bridge along their way of life and I am just there to help them cross a stage of life, and after that I'll be forgotten'. It echoed deep in me somehow. Sometimes I do feel that way, where people find my presence needed in their life, but after a little time, they forget, because they went on with their life. Then it got me thinking, if I kept my mindset that way, of course I'll be like that. Always just a bridge, always just helping rather than walking step by step with them along the way to the end. Hence I'm trying, I guess. I never really considered myself social person, nor do I have a wide memory span, but I'll try. One of the reasons is perhaps I've been hurt too much that I keep things to myself, but it's time to open and reach to other people.
I hated myself, the old me.
I remembered when I first started photography, my friend Adib told me that if I wanted to be a good photographer I can't be shy, I can't keep to the back, else I won't get to capture the moments I wanted. It was true, so I started to put myself out there a lot more, out of my comfort zone and did what I loved. Nowadays, I don't mind retreating to my shell once in a while, and just loving the me time. I stopped caring what people think of me, in the negative way and just felt like I should always focus on the good side of things. Yes, I am human too and I tend to get a lot of negative feelings sometimes, but it's manageable. I tell myself, it will end, and it WILL end. Nothing is absolute, nothing is forever.
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