.
It's the last few days of Ramadhan already. Time sure flies. Not that I personally celebrate Raya much. Let me emphasize, PERSONALLY, because it's just me who thinks like that. My family members do enjoy Raya to an extent, especially mom cuz she gets to gather with her family members when we go back to our hometown. I'm okay on all the celebrations and going back hometown and stuff. More like, redha. Going with the flow. I used to be such an angry child, cuz I hate everything and everyone a lot when things are not going as per my expectations. Hitting my 30, maybe I gotten a bit more mature and accepting and learned to handle unpleasant things better so it doesn't take a toll on my mental.
I like to hold on to myself, at least.
The only person I can count on is myself. So I should take care of myself and love myself a lot. Not that I am incapable of friendship and love, but I approach the subject carefully. I don't have a large circle of friends, nor do I socialize much outside my circle. Treat your family dear, because they are your flesh and blood and insyaAllah they will treat you dear as well.
I learned that, you lead how you want people to treat you by example. I try to. When they don't reciprocate, then I change track. But family, there is no harm to treating them well. Your parents gave birth to you, and brought you up. They gave you the roof over your head, the clothes on your body and the food that you are fed on. Unless they are parents who abuse or crackhead parents, then I have no say. Only when you get older, you understand all the things the do for you. In this modern world though, parents are also a privilege. Being able to continue your studies well, is a privilege. They may say that education doesn't always guarantee a fine future, but it will help to pay some bills. Having a degree is like having a ticket for certain rides at the amusement park. If you don't have a ticket, you can only watch. I want to be a parent who can give that privilege to my kids.
Though, currently my furkids are getting the privileges tho, but that's okay. I wob my babies.
I remember dad telling me that he had to choose between a job that he didn't really want to do and the job that he would've liked to do because the former pays more and he has a family to feed. He chose the former, but that led him to working in his current company, which is a very good one. Even dad, have made such a huge sacrifice first. Being the head of a family is hard. I can't imagine. That's why I try to be as independent as I can and growing up and support my parents now that they are older, I've had good role models - and I am thankful about that.
What I'm trying to say is, failures are okay. Of course you would fail at one point, else how do you mature? Not everyone will share their failures, so of course you'd only see them when they are successful. The important thing the lessons learned and the next step to take. Always move forward. Dad's story tells me that your responsibilities weigh higher that your dreams.
Maybe that's why I have goldfish memory. I'm too lazy to remember too much on stuff that I've put behind me. I'm not that particularly clever either so I just stick to what I know. Maybe I'm lazy too, so I always start with small goals.
Yesterday while driving to MyTown, I was telling mom about wanting to find a second income and she was telling me I should be speculative if I couldn't be innovative and she went on about the 3 design process that they have when doing critiques on the students (she's a architecture lecturer). Innovative, Speculative or Experiential Design. Innovative is more to thinking out of the box, Speculative is more on predicting trends and Experiential is embodying overall experience in design of the architecture. So she was telling me to predict trends and hopping on the early bandwagon. So I told her, I'm definitely not innovative, else I would've done well in my first Master's attempt, among other things I've tried. I am not speculative as well, that much I can say. I was always an experiential person in most aspects of life. I go ahead and jump into trying something first before decided I will go ahead with it or not. If no, then it's fine, move on. If it's nice, yay. Then I told her about the whole 'experiment to fail in a way that is fast and inexpensive' thing and she was like okay then started to ponder what her style. Then we reached MyTown.
Knowing yourself is also crucial.
Not being satisfied in your comfort zone on some aspects is also important.
Like, I've reach a goal, so what's next? I'm not gonna just be comfortable just because I've reached a goal. There's still a next next next. You'll know along the way.
It's 8am. I need to get ready for this and that and start working.
Maybe I'll do a quarantine haul post next. Or video. Who knows.
It's the last few days of Ramadhan already. Time sure flies. Not that I personally celebrate Raya much. Let me emphasize, PERSONALLY, because it's just me who thinks like that. My family members do enjoy Raya to an extent, especially mom cuz she gets to gather with her family members when we go back to our hometown. I'm okay on all the celebrations and going back hometown and stuff. More like, redha. Going with the flow. I used to be such an angry child, cuz I hate everything and everyone a lot when things are not going as per my expectations. Hitting my 30, maybe I gotten a bit more mature and accepting and learned to handle unpleasant things better so it doesn't take a toll on my mental.
I like to hold on to myself, at least.
The only person I can count on is myself. So I should take care of myself and love myself a lot. Not that I am incapable of friendship and love, but I approach the subject carefully. I don't have a large circle of friends, nor do I socialize much outside my circle. Treat your family dear, because they are your flesh and blood and insyaAllah they will treat you dear as well.
I learned that, you lead how you want people to treat you by example. I try to. When they don't reciprocate, then I change track. But family, there is no harm to treating them well. Your parents gave birth to you, and brought you up. They gave you the roof over your head, the clothes on your body and the food that you are fed on. Unless they are parents who abuse or crackhead parents, then I have no say. Only when you get older, you understand all the things the do for you. In this modern world though, parents are also a privilege. Being able to continue your studies well, is a privilege. They may say that education doesn't always guarantee a fine future, but it will help to pay some bills. Having a degree is like having a ticket for certain rides at the amusement park. If you don't have a ticket, you can only watch. I want to be a parent who can give that privilege to my kids.
Though, currently my furkids are getting the privileges tho, but that's okay. I wob my babies.
I read a post on @thewokesalaryman ig on having second source of income after your 30s and started to think seriously about what I can do to generate a second income. Of course it's not gonna be easy and I have to do it seriously, so that's why I'm thinking seriously on what to experiment and do. "Experiment to fail in a way that is fast and inexpensive, in order to eliminate ideas that cannot pull through". I read this somewhere on Harvard Business School, on Project Management. Well, this is a project too, I can apply it here. First things first though, making a list and getting through them.
----
Yesterday was a hectic day, in the morning I drove mom to Spotlight@MyTown for her to restock her fabric and on the way, this magnificent looking Ferrari passed by us. It's not the typical Ferrari car that we know, a different model. It had such a shiny beautiful red, and the sleekest body I've seen and my heart just went kyun kyun and excited. Then I told mom, my next goal is to upgrade my car and she was like "that one?" in a incredulous tone. I'm like, nahh, not that far. Even my mortgage is for 35 years, how am I gonna afford that one? "Unless you get rich, of course." "Amiinn" I said. Aleea always tells me what people tell you are doa for you, so yeah, Amiin! I didn't have big dreams for myself. Since I was highschool I knew I wanted to do computer stuff, so I went ahead and did that. After that my goal was to buy my own house, and alhamdulillah it is in progress, so I am moving on to the next goal, a second source of income, or a business. I think, that's how I can word it.
On failures. What can I say about failures?
I've failed a lot on my way - I was even told in one interview that I should give up programming. It was sometime when I was doing really bad in my first year of Masters and wanted to start working again. Imagine someone telling you to give up the only thing you know how to do. Tbh I was flabbergasted and wanted to break down, but I held on until the end of the interview and until I reached my car, then I broke down. I cried and cried. I didn't hate that lady much at the time, but I hated myself. It was the lowest point of my life I think, I was failing in my Masters and someone was telling me I fail at being a programmer. I hated myself for a while (more like a semester, because I went on with my Masters and tried to look for jobs but with a discouraged heart) but I think what I did was to sit down at the end and replanned. I failed, ok, the what? What's the lessons here? I decided to change my Masters to coursework and finished it while brushing up on my programming skills again, and then focused on looking for a job once I graduate.
I never really told anyone this. I always wrote it somewhere, but I never told anyone face to face. Like now. I'm writing it all down here. Spilling my guts to a portal on the net where anyone can read. Maybe it will help someone.
I remember dad telling me that he had to choose between a job that he didn't really want to do and the job that he would've liked to do because the former pays more and he has a family to feed. He chose the former, but that led him to working in his current company, which is a very good one. Even dad, have made such a huge sacrifice first. Being the head of a family is hard. I can't imagine. That's why I try to be as independent as I can and growing up and support my parents now that they are older, I've had good role models - and I am thankful about that.
What I'm trying to say is, failures are okay. Of course you would fail at one point, else how do you mature? Not everyone will share their failures, so of course you'd only see them when they are successful. The important thing the lessons learned and the next step to take. Always move forward. Dad's story tells me that your responsibilities weigh higher that your dreams.
Maybe that's why I have goldfish memory. I'm too lazy to remember too much on stuff that I've put behind me. I'm not that particularly clever either so I just stick to what I know. Maybe I'm lazy too, so I always start with small goals.
Yesterday while driving to MyTown, I was telling mom about wanting to find a second income and she was telling me I should be speculative if I couldn't be innovative and she went on about the 3 design process that they have when doing critiques on the students (she's a architecture lecturer). Innovative, Speculative or Experiential Design. Innovative is more to thinking out of the box, Speculative is more on predicting trends and Experiential is embodying overall experience in design of the architecture. So she was telling me to predict trends and hopping on the early bandwagon. So I told her, I'm definitely not innovative, else I would've done well in my first Master's attempt, among other things I've tried. I am not speculative as well, that much I can say. I was always an experiential person in most aspects of life. I go ahead and jump into trying something first before decided I will go ahead with it or not. If no, then it's fine, move on. If it's nice, yay. Then I told her about the whole 'experiment to fail in a way that is fast and inexpensive' thing and she was like okay then started to ponder what her style. Then we reached MyTown.
Knowing yourself is also crucial.
Not being satisfied in your comfort zone on some aspects is also important.
Like, I've reach a goal, so what's next? I'm not gonna just be comfortable just because I've reached a goal. There's still a next next next. You'll know along the way.
It's 8am. I need to get ready for this and that and start working.
Maybe I'll do a quarantine haul post next. Or video. Who knows.
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