.
I really like those stories when the main characters separate in the middle, and somehow meet again. The moment they met again, and the moment their eyes met in recognition...oh man it hits me hard. I will cry (because the main will always cry and I'm so weak when the main character cries, it makes me cry too boohoo) and because those moments are always so so so so touching. Those moments showed that even if hope was lost, it can be found again, and again. As long as you have faith. You suffered for a while, but in then end there is a happy ending.
Wai.
My heart is feeling all fuwa fuwa right now.
It's not even my own story, but I'm feeling happy. I'm not sure if I can apply any expectations to my life story. Right now it's like in the middle, a transition in between losing hope and finding hope again. I have lost hope, but I haven't exactly found it again. For a while, I don't want to find it yet. I'm okay with being on pause like this for a while. I did say previously that I want to be selfish for a while, and do what makes me happy. I know for a fact that most of my life I've lived like that - doing things that make me happy. A little conversation with a friend earlier this weekend about making plans for the future and the worries we have made me realise I didn't really have a solid plan. He was talking about plan A and plan B - and I was like, what was my plan A? Or maybe I am at plan B already? I didn't have much to say to him about that regarding my own situation. I'm 27 but I don't feel like it. Partly no pressure from my family in regards to me building my own family, and I did just recently started working again after my short bout of uncertainness that led me to follow my dreams to do my Masters. Am I not fortunate already? I had a small dream, a small milestone, which is to continue and finish my Masters and I did it. Whilst finishing my Masters I learnt how hard it is to make a living and how I should be grateful enough to go through with my dreams, my wants with all the support that I could ask for. I remember many drives back home from classes at night, I was thinking that I will work hard for my next job, and be focused. I remember that I often declared that I will be a workaholic - and somehow along the way, it happened. I remembered promising myself to stay through at least a few years and endure. I like my current job, though I am unsure whether it's the people that made me like it or the job itself. I have always liked programming and being able to do just that was good enough for me. I am still lacking a lot though, and moving away and trying to claim as someone experienced doesn't seem proper right now.
Bottomline is, I should be grateful a lot. To have a house to live under, to have clothes to wear and to not go hungry. I should be grateful. To be honest, I have nothing to complain, except maybe I want more freedom on my social life. It's not like I don't know how to manage myself and I have taken a liking to the night. Small things, like driving in the night, or out dinner with some friends - it's fun. I wanted more of that. I like the way the lights twinkle and shine in the night and when I walk back home I can see the moon and the stars. I like it. Hearing songs in the darkness that is my car, I like it.
Maybe I am straying a bit, loving life too much when I should live for what comes after death.
It's only the truth that life is temporary and all that I can bring to the after life are my deeds. Good deeds, bad deeds. It is them that will speak for me- or save me.
These days I'm missing Owen a lot. The daily meowing at 5 am to serve him his breakfast. To see him strut into my room like it's his and jump on my bed to sleep on it as if it was his. To hug him. I miss his orange self. I loved and got more attached to Owen the most of all the cats I had. I kept thinking about getting another kitten, but I just don't feel like there is one that can take his place. I didn't feel like taking care of another cat for fear that I couldn't love it as much that I loved him.
Weird isn't it. Over a cat. But Owen wasn't just a cat to me. He heals me, like a warm marshmallow.
I'll meet you in heaven Owen, hopefully.
Maybe it's because that hole in my heart has started to ache again.
I really like those stories when the main characters separate in the middle, and somehow meet again. The moment they met again, and the moment their eyes met in recognition...oh man it hits me hard. I will cry (because the main will always cry and I'm so weak when the main character cries, it makes me cry too boohoo) and because those moments are always so so so so touching. Those moments showed that even if hope was lost, it can be found again, and again. As long as you have faith. You suffered for a while, but in then end there is a happy ending.
Wai.
My heart is feeling all fuwa fuwa right now.
It's not even my own story, but I'm feeling happy. I'm not sure if I can apply any expectations to my life story. Right now it's like in the middle, a transition in between losing hope and finding hope again. I have lost hope, but I haven't exactly found it again. For a while, I don't want to find it yet. I'm okay with being on pause like this for a while. I did say previously that I want to be selfish for a while, and do what makes me happy. I know for a fact that most of my life I've lived like that - doing things that make me happy. A little conversation with a friend earlier this weekend about making plans for the future and the worries we have made me realise I didn't really have a solid plan. He was talking about plan A and plan B - and I was like, what was my plan A? Or maybe I am at plan B already? I didn't have much to say to him about that regarding my own situation. I'm 27 but I don't feel like it. Partly no pressure from my family in regards to me building my own family, and I did just recently started working again after my short bout of uncertainness that led me to follow my dreams to do my Masters. Am I not fortunate already? I had a small dream, a small milestone, which is to continue and finish my Masters and I did it. Whilst finishing my Masters I learnt how hard it is to make a living and how I should be grateful enough to go through with my dreams, my wants with all the support that I could ask for. I remember many drives back home from classes at night, I was thinking that I will work hard for my next job, and be focused. I remember that I often declared that I will be a workaholic - and somehow along the way, it happened. I remembered promising myself to stay through at least a few years and endure. I like my current job, though I am unsure whether it's the people that made me like it or the job itself. I have always liked programming and being able to do just that was good enough for me. I am still lacking a lot though, and moving away and trying to claim as someone experienced doesn't seem proper right now.
Bottomline is, I should be grateful a lot. To have a house to live under, to have clothes to wear and to not go hungry. I should be grateful. To be honest, I have nothing to complain, except maybe I want more freedom on my social life. It's not like I don't know how to manage myself and I have taken a liking to the night. Small things, like driving in the night, or out dinner with some friends - it's fun. I wanted more of that. I like the way the lights twinkle and shine in the night and when I walk back home I can see the moon and the stars. I like it. Hearing songs in the darkness that is my car, I like it.
Maybe I am straying a bit, loving life too much when I should live for what comes after death.
It's only the truth that life is temporary and all that I can bring to the after life are my deeds. Good deeds, bad deeds. It is them that will speak for me- or save me.
These days I'm missing Owen a lot. The daily meowing at 5 am to serve him his breakfast. To see him strut into my room like it's his and jump on my bed to sleep on it as if it was his. To hug him. I miss his orange self. I loved and got more attached to Owen the most of all the cats I had. I kept thinking about getting another kitten, but I just don't feel like there is one that can take his place. I didn't feel like taking care of another cat for fear that I couldn't love it as much that I loved him.
Weird isn't it. Over a cat. But Owen wasn't just a cat to me. He heals me, like a warm marshmallow.
I'll meet you in heaven Owen, hopefully.
Maybe it's because that hole in my heart has started to ache again.
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